Fri. Dec 6th, 2019

AMBAZONIA ECHOES

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South Africa: Live Your Best Life This Black Friday With Woolies Kiwifruit ‘Spifes’ and Other Totally Useless Stuff

1 min read

Tucked between the rough-skinned oblong bulges, each enfolding a mouthful of nutrient-dense kiwi pulp, there it was: a mutant plastic implement, barely 15cm long, shimmering like the golden setting sun over the Amalfi coast…

If ever there was any doubt about how far “sustainability champ” Woolworths still had to go to put its money where its greenwashing mouth is, its kiwifruit knifespoon-things have surely helped put paid to that.

Of course, this Black Friday each South African has the opportunity to become American for a day, trawling the web or trampling other members of our own species for the kind of bargain that would make Uncle Sam’s spawn of shoppers greener than green. Greener than a greenback, the hills of Ixopo, a borehole-sprinkled golf course during the Western Cape’s one-in-a-650-year drought… or a kiwifruit.

Okay, so it probably isn’t so bad if you get your Black Friday fix online. You’re not offloading the equivalent of an annual holiday’s carbon budget on a cross-country trip to camp outside the Crazy Store (“Hey, you never know what you might find!”). Let’s just pretend, for a dizzy-blessed second, no carbon-hungry data centres, bubble-wrapped packages, planes, trains and automobiles are needed to deliver any…

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